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On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. After parents call it quits on their marriage, child custody typically becomes contentious. Divorcing spouses experience conflict in the majority of cases. The following problems can worsen the situation. Everyone benefits from finding a resolution. Parenting techniques One reason for a couple getting a divorce could be an inability to agree on child-rearing tactics. For example, ideas about discipline, religion and nutrition might be different. Nonetheless, acting in unison can help maintain a peaceful coexistence. Parenting logistics Even when both parents agree on vital matters, scheduling still poses an obstacle. Constantly shuttling between houses burdens everyone in the family. Back-and-forth travel becomes even more demanding when there is a great distance involved. The question of who should give little Johnny or Sally a ride may become a constant theme. Fortunately, there are coparenting apps to help divorced parents with complex calendars. Sampling a few before settling on one remains a wise strategy. Parenting fitness Sadly, some are incapable of creating safe and loving environments for their offspring. One parent might be struggling with drugs or alcohol. Psychological problems, such as depression or post-traumatic stress disorder, may impede parenting skills. Abuse of any kind, physical or verbal, is never acceptable. All these scenarios cultivate dangerous conditions for little folk. Those with troubled counterparts ought to consider the involvement of professional services. Intervention could be lifesaving. There exists a greater possibility of the responsible adult receiving full-time custody. Raising a child after the dissolution of marriage poses a hefty challenge. Awareness of potential complications grants an opportunity to prevent them from taking root.

On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. Going through a divorce is stressful and difficult. The rules around child support can add complexity. Read below to clarify some common misconceptions. Will my ex be allowed to stop paying child support when my child turns 18? No. According to the State of New York’s Child Support division, the noncustodial parent must pay child support until the children turn 21. Is child support just a cash payment every month? Not necessarily. Many noncustodial parents contribute toward health care insurance, child care expenses, and out-of-pocket medical costs in addition to paying monthly cash transfers. Is a biological parent the only one who can receive child support? No, any legitimate caretaker can apply to have child support sent to them. This includes legal guardians, grandparents, relatives, caretakers, and even the child themselves. What if my ex disappears and/or refuses to pay? The Child Support Enforcement Unit (CSEU) of the State of New York works hard to ensure that child support goes to the person who deserves it. In the event of a parent who flees town or the state, there can be a combination of state and federal enforcement actions designed to find the person. Do I have to trust that my ex will pay me every month? No. The Support Collection Unit (SCU) will automatically deduct your child support from their paycheck. The SCU also has access to lottery winnings, tax returns, assets and bank accounts. The child support system seeks to ensure you have everything you need so that your child can live a normal life after divorce.

On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. Creating your custody arrangement can be overwhelming. Of course, you want to spend as much time as possible with your children, especially over the holidays. Incorporating vacations and holidays into your custody agreement is vital to avoid conflicts in the future. New York offers parenting plan options Think about your typical holiday plans and traditions to help you determine what is in the best interests of your children. There are three standard custody schedules for dividing parenting time over the holidays. A shared schedule gives both parents time This custody plan enables each parent to spend some time with their children during vacations, holidays or birthdays. You may address one-day holidays by having the children spend the morning with one parent and the evening with the other. You can divide longer breaks by giving each parent a few days. An alternating schedule divides time annually Most people choose an arrangement that alternates holiday time between the parents each year. In this type of schedule, the children spend one holiday with you, then spend that holiday with their other parent the following year. A fixed holiday schedule splits time by specific events You may like this option if you and your spouse prioritize different holidays or if you want your children to maintain annual traditions. You and your spouse determine which holidays each of you will spend with your children. You want your children’s school breaks to be positive events. Knowing your rights is the key to ensuring a fair child custody agreement that works for your family and establishes holiday parenting time.

On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. Divorce is a separate concern from parenthood. It does not matter how you feel about the other person raising your offspring. You each still care about your babies with all your heart. As a parental unit that no longer wishes to be together, you must determine a custody schedule. Mothers and fathers particularly want to spend holidays with their kids. Deciding on the fairest, most agreeable situation is a challenge. Several options are worth discussing. Alternating years One arrangement that might work is trading off holidays. This schedule is easy to remember, as one parent gets odd-numbered years and the other gets even years. Plus, you never miss children during Thanksgiving or Christmas more than once in a row. Splitting holidays Another possibility is having children spend half of every holiday with both parents. This division means you each get time with little ones during these magical days. A downside, however, is it requires planning. Knowing how to talk with your ex is mandatory for this to work. It also means more traveling. This arrangement works best if you live near your former spouse. Assigning holidays Some choose to allow their previous partners to have specific holidays outright. In exchange, they get to have others. This tack might make sense if you feel partial toward one celebration over another. Maybe you cannot go without seeing children opening presents from Santa. If this is the case, consider giving the other parent Turkey Day. Dividing holidays is a sensitive topic, yet it bears discussion. Speak with one another openly about the possibilities.

On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. New York courts recognize that your family circumstances change over time and that custody orders sometimes must change as well. Before you attempt to modify a child custody order, know the procedure in place to protect yourself and your child from a drawn-out legal case. Requirements for modification You must prove that a substantial change in circumstances occurred in the lives of either parent or your child. Examples include: The relocation of a parent to a different city or state A significant increase or decrease in income A huge change in the child’s schedule A request from a child over the age of 12 to revise the order A court does not want to see you shortly after it makes an order unless something severe happened. Standard for modification Your child’s best interests determine your eligibility to modify a custody order. Before making a decision, the court focuses on the issues you raise and considers many factors, such as the home environment, financial situation and educational opportunities provided by each parent. Helpful documentation To demonstrate the need for a modification, you will need to collect relevant evidence and present it to a judge. Keep all records related to the custody of your child, including witness statements, photos, videos, documents or voice recordings. A detailed journal with dates and events is also beneficial. Changes to a custody order often prompt changes to child support orders as well. Just as it is with a custody order, either parent has the right to file a petition requesting a modification to a child support order.

On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. Even though most parents prioritize the emotional well-being of their kids, everyone makes mistakes. You may even lie awake at night thinking of things you could have or should have done differently. Still, as long as you provide for the best interests of your kids, you may have a good shot at receiving the custody arrangement you want. Sometimes, though, divorced or divorcing parents use the kids as pawns. That is, one parent either intentionally or inadvertently tries to turn the children against their other parent. Known as parental alienation, this type of behavior may be catastrophic for a child custody case. Common examples of parental alienation Parental alienation is not usually a single comment or off-handed action, as alienating behaviors are typically part of a disturbing pattern. Still, if you or your children’s other parent do any of the following regularly, parental alienation may be an issue: Preventing the other parent from seeing the kids Excluding the other parent from ordinary parent-child activities and functions Telling the kids they cannot trust the other parent Making up false information about the other parent Asking the children to choose sides or spy on the other parent Your child custody case If you and your children’s other parents cannot come up with an acceptable custody agreement, a judge may have to intervene. In New York, judges must make custody determinations that align with the best interests of the involved children. Because it often constitutes psychological child abuse, parental alienation is not in any child’s best interests. It can be difficult to change behaviors, but you do not want to engage in parental alienation. Ultimately, though, if your children’s co-parent continues to misbehave, evidence of his or her parental alienation may persuade a judge to award custody to you.

On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. If you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse are not able to come up with a custody arrangement during your divorce negotiations, you may have to ask a judge to decide for you. In New York, judges have a legal obligation to determine what is in the best interests of the children. Parental alienation certainly is not. According to many child psychologists, parental alienation is a form of emotional child abuse. When a parent engages in alienating behaviors, he or she actively tries to turn the kids against the other parent. If you have evidence of parental alienation, a judge may intervene to protect your kids. How does parental alienation look? It is impossible to identify a single behavior as parental alienation, as this type of parental misconduct requires a pattern or practice of bad acts. Still, if your ex-spouse does one or more of the following regularly, you may be the victim of parental alienation: Telling your kids you are a bad, untrustworthy or dangerous person Asking your children to spy on you and disclose details Preventing you from attending normal parental functions and activities Prohibiting your kids from talking to you Keeping you from seeing your children How does parental alienation affect child custody? When determining what is in the best interests of the children, judges look at a number of factors. Nevertheless, a parent who sabotages the other parent’s relationship with the kids is probably not acting in their best interests. Ultimately, proof of alienating behaviors may give you legal grounds to seek sole custody, supervised visitation or other arrangements that do not harm the kids.

On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. If you are in the process of divorcing your spouse, your odds of receiving the outcome you want may depend on both New York law and your unique set of facts. If you have kids, though, the state has an interest in ensuring custody aligns with their best interests. Having no valid immigration status can make life difficult. Even if you have legal permanent residency or some non-immigrant status, you may feel disadvantaged. Fortunately, your immigration status or lack thereof probably should not affect the outcome of your custody dispute. Separate jurisdictions With few exceptions, family-related matters fall within the legal jurisdiction of the court of New York. Immigration law, by contrast, is a federal matter. Therefore, you should not expect the judge in your case to wade into the technicalities of your immigration status. In most cases, you also do not have to worry about a New York judge reporting you to immigration officials. The best interests of the child standard When making custody determinations, judges in New York have a legal obligation to determine what is in the best interests of the children. To do so, they closely examine a number of factors. While this list is not complete, the following factors are likely to be relevant: Your relationship with your kids Your ability to provide a stable and healthy environment for your children Your history of substance abuse or criminal activity Your childrens’ educational and other needs While New York law does not include immigration status in the factors judges must consider, some immigration-related matters, such as a deportation order, may run counter to the best interests of your kids. Ultimately, to increase your chances of receiving an acceptable custody arrangement, you may want to pursue legal counsel from both an immigration attorney and a family lawyer.

On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. Going through a divorce is not easy and figuring out a fair child custody arrangement adds another layer to the process. Each case is unique, and the courts can tailor the custody arrangements to accommodate your specific situation. Among others, the following factors play a large role in determining the custody arrangement. 1. Best interest of the child Your child can experience upheaval due to the divorce, even if you take steps like nesting to minimize disruptions. The court will examine the home environment and consider any allegations of abuse when making a determination. This process can help ensure that your child lives in a stable and supportive environment. 2. Age and capabilities of the child Your child’s age and capabilities are a crucial component of the custody arrangement. If your child can state their wishes, then the court will take that into account. A teenager who can drive may prefer a more flexible arrangement, as he or she can travel between the two households more readily than a child in elementary school. 3. Parent’s willingness to work together If you and your former partner are willing to work together to come to an agreement, this can facilitate the process. Although you may not agree on every aspect, demonstrating a willingness to work together reflects well on both parties. This cooperation can help your child adjust to the divorce more readily. While you and your former partner may no longer want to be together, it is important to work together to find a solution that keeps your child’s best interests in mind.

On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. As a parent, you want to be there for your children and to see them as much as you can. With a two-parent household, it was easier for you to see them even when you had to work, because you could be there are much or as little of the time as possible and still know someone was there to protect them. Now, you’re in a difficult position. If you take custody of your children, there are days when you will be on call. You’ll have to go into work if you’re called, and there may not be another person available to care for them. As a surgeon, EMT, firefighter, police officer or other person who has a job with on-call hours, this can be a devastating blow to your custody case. When you work on-call hours, you have to consider alternatives When you can’t pin down your schedule, you will need to consider alternatives that allow you to spend time with your children while still fulfilling your work-related obligations. For example, would it be possible to hire an in-house nanny who lives with you and is available during your on-call shifts? Then, if your children are staying with you, the nanny would already be there if you had to leave suddenly. If you end up not being called in, that’s even better, since you’ll get more time with your kids. Another option may be to have a neighbor or family member nearby who is willing to watch your children. You could also look into daycares or play areas offered by your employer so that your child can be safely monitored at your place of work while you’re doing your job. It can be hard to navigate custody issues when you have an irregular schedule, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get to see your children. You do an important job, and needing to be there in emergencies doesn’t mean that you don’t care about your child’s wellbeing. It’s worth looking into alternative options for daycare or babysitting, so that you can set up a regular custody schedule with confidence.

On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. When it comes to divorce for parents with minor children, few things are more contentious than the amount of support that the New York courts order one parent to pay the other on behalf of the kids. Child support often falls woefully short of covering the expenses that children incur every month. Between clothing for bodies that are constantly growing, food, shelter and medical insurance, each child could represent hundreds or even thousands of dollars worth of expenses every month. The parent receiving support is likely to feel like the amount that they receive is not nearly enough for what they have to spend. Of course, having a large amount taken out of a paycheck also feels unfair to the parent paying child support. It is a difficult decision that the courts have to make based on both state law and your family circumstances. What are the primary factors that dictate the amount of child support paid during and after a divorce? The New York courts focus on two primary factors Unlike in other states, where child support reflects a number of factors, in New York, the number of children and income of the parent paying are the primary considerations. Those who make up to $148,000 will pay a percentage of their wages based on the number of children they have. One child could mean paying 17% of your wages in support, while two could result in paying 25%. Three children will mean paying 29% of your income, four kids mean 31% and five or more will mean at least 35% of your wages go to child support. For parents who make more than $148,000 a year, the judge presiding over their divorce case can decide whether they want to apply the percentage rule or deviate from it because of the higher level of household income. Support levels are not set in stone despite being a court order The judge in your case will issue a child support order that compels the non-custodial parent to pay a certain amount of support. This process is often automatic, with employers withholding money directly from someone’s check to ensure that child support always gets paid. Given that child support is the result of a court order and a legal obligation on the part of the parent paying, many people assume that once they have a support order, it will remain the same until the children age out of support. However, New York does allow both the parent paying support and the parent receiving child support to request a modification hearing when circumstances drastically change. Fighting for reasonable support levels in your divorce is as important as following up with modification requests when the needs of your children or your income changes.

by josephnivin As every parent knows, it is impossible to work together without trust. Custody litigation, by its nature, serves to eliminate it. Mediation, whenever possible, is an easier and less expensive process than litigation for your family law clients. It helps them decide between themselves how they will raise their children, even though they will no longer be in a relationship with each other. Below is advice you can give your clients to let them know why custody litigation is so much more difficult than mediation. Going Through the Litigation Wringer Litigation is scary, and fear leads to anger. Anger is the “fight or flight” response, and the fear of fighting over children in court intensifies anger that already existed. Even getting served with a petition that lists your ex as a “petitioner” and you as the “respondent” is enough to make your blood boil. This is only the tip of the iceberg. If your child is old enough to express opinions on the application for custody or visitation, then your child will be assigned an attorney whom you do not know. That attorney needs to interview your child outside of your presence. If the attorney determines that your child is unable to use independent judgment to decide what he or she wants, then that attorney, who may or may not be a parent or have any knowledge about child development, must take a position based on his or her own opinion. You have no say at all in the position that the attorney takes. If the attorney determines that your child is able to exercise independent judgment about his or her position in the case (usually if the child is at least seven years old), then the attorney must, except in unique circumstances, advocate for what your child wants. So, if your child is 12 and you don’t let the child use social media, but your ex does, and your child wants to live with your ex for no other reason, then the attorney must advocate for your child to live with your ex. While the attorney for the child’s position does not take away the judge’s ability to decide otherwise, the position of the attorney for the child is very important, even if the position is based on nothing other than the child’s wants. The result? Custody litigation gives children a great deal of power over their parents. Remember that fear that we were talking about? It drives parents to go to war against each other. Mistakes that everybody makes are blown up to make the other person look like the most neglectful possible parent. Unless you qualify for assigned counsel, you and your ex will pay for the whole show. You may even be ordered to pay for the attorney assigned to your child, even if the attorney is going to court and bashing you. You may also need to pay for a forensic evaluation, in which a psychologist evaluates you, your ex, and even your child. The only way in any litigation, including custody cases, to limit the expense is to settle the case, or in other words, to come to an agreement. As you can see, the very nature of custody litigation creates such animosity that it makes settlement progressively more difficult. This same animosity creates more work for the lawyers, which makes the litigation more expensive. There might be such bad communication that the lawyers need to resolve relatively minor issues for you and your ex, such as minor modifications to the parenting time schedule for special family events. Lawyers charge by the hour for the time that they spend doing this. There are often other applications that people tell their attorneys to make, such as applications for temporary custody. If your ex asked his or her lawyer to make such an application, and you want your lawyer to respond to it, then you will need to pay your lawyer to do so. You may even need to pay the attorney for the child to respond to it, even if the attorney is supporting your ex. In some cases, the court can order your ex to pay your fees, but even if the court says no, you’ll need to pay your attorney for the time that he or she spent making the unsuccessful application, in addition to the time already spent responding to your ex. What Is the Solution? Mediation The easier, softer way is to reach an agreement with your ex about custody issues before going to court. This may be no easy feat, and it may be extremely frustrating. However, it will probably be easier than litigation. But do note that mediation is not a good option in cases involving domestic violence, child abuse or neglect, or parental alienation. If you need a mediator, then do your homework before hiring one. Anybody can put up an ad on Google and open a mediation service, with no training or knowledge on the subject. There is absolutely nothing illegal about that. Therefore, do your research and make sure that you get someone qualified. If you find yourself in court, make it as boring as possible. The less that’s going on, the cheaper and less stressful the process will be. Treat your child’s parent the way that you would expect someone who respects you to treat your parents. This doesn’t translate into “be a doormat.” Just don’t let anyone make you do things that make you feel ashamed of yourself. Remember that your children will always see your behavior as acceptable, so don’t do anything that you’d tell your children not to do. So How Can Your Lawyer Help? Lawyers with mediation experience can advise you on what actions are likely to cause your case to take the nightmare track that was already discussed, and what actions are likely to prevent it. Your lawyer can advise you during your mediation. Not all mediators are lawyers. A lawyer can advise you about whether the settlement options being discussed in mediation are fair, and more importantly, whether they are likely to give you a good future. Lawyers can also advise you about any issues that should have been discussed that were missed, and whether the proposed settlement has “holes” that leave you vulnerable to future litigation. Of course, it takes two to mediate. If you find yourself in court because your ex is hell-bent on going there, an attorney can create a game plan to put you in the best possible position for settlement or trial. In most cases, people end up settling before they get to trial. If you can’t settle, then there will be a trial, and you will need a lawyer for that. Conclusion The family court system creates unnecessary animosity between separated parents, which compromises people’s abilities to effectively co-parent. It falls on parents to come up with alternative ways to work out parenting time and support without unnecessarily damaging their abilities to raise their children together. If you are in a situation where the other parent is not cooperating with you, then an attorney can help you to minimize the animosity, the emotional toll, and the expense of litigation. If you have a co-parent who is willing to work with a mediator, then attorneys can advise you during the process, help you to resolve issues of custody without litigation, and work with you to minimize the risk that you will need to go to court in the future.