On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. 

When people describe their experiences in Family Court and contested divorce cases, they often call it “being put through the ringer.” The process can feel like pure hell when your ex is alienating the children from you. I have had clients tell me that their children refuse to speak to them during visitation, and/or make vicious comments like, “I hate you,” “I don’t really love you,” or even “I don’t care if you die.”

Parent alienation may make you feel hopeless, however as a child custody lawyer, here is a brief guide on what you can do to improve or salvage your relationship with your children.

1. The most important thing: Don’t let it bring out the worst in you. Too many parents dig themselves into a deeper hole by inadvertently confirming the alienating parent’s description of them. For example, when the children repeat things that the alienating parent said, some alienated parents see it as a good reason to “bash” the other parent in return. That is a big mistake. The children are not likely to respond by taking your comments at face value. Rather, they will see it as confirmation that the alienating parent’s description of you is accurate.
2. Keep making contact with your children. It may feel silly when you call/Skype/Facetime them and they do not speak to you at all, insult you, or hang up on you. If you stop contacting them at all, they will see it as confirmation of the alienating parent’s statements that you do not love or care about them.
3. Be at your best. Most children (and even most judges) do not understand that your behavior may reflect the hell that you are going through, and not reflect on your true character. Rather, when you lose your composure, your children may feel that you are showing your “true colors.” The alienating parent will take full advantage. (“See? He yelled and screamed. He’s crazy and dangerous, and that’s why I don’t want you going over there.”) No matter what happens, behave in a manner consistent with the way that you want your children to see you.
4. Seek as much parenting time as possible. Many judges believe that when children are not responding to their parents during supervised visits, the visits should stay supervised until the child starts responding. However, I’ve now seen several cases where parents have gotten unsupervised visits, and the children’s behavior does a “180” when they are alone with the targeted parent. While the children may be outright cruel in a supervised setting or during visitation exchanges, they may become affectionate when they are alone with the targeted parent. I firmly believe that as the concept of parental alienation gets more attention, there will be a change to the conventional wisdom that visits need to stay supervised until the quality of the contact improves.
5. Get coaching from a mental health professional with expertise in parental alienation. There are several mental health professionals who specialize in this area, and their guidance will be very useful both in your interactions with your children and in your custody evaluation.

Another pitfall: Many well-meaning judges suggest that alienated children get “therapy.” However, many therapists take children’s statements at face value and treat them based upon the assumption that their statements are true. Therefore, if the child is falsely reporting that you are abusive, the therapist may treat the child for the damage that you allegedly caused, inadvertently helping the other parent to alienate the child from you.

However, there is hope. There are now therapeutic treatments for alienation, and the mental health professional who is coaching you can point you towards a therapist for your child who is familiar with these methods. For the most severe cases, there is even “immersion therapy,” where alienated parents and their children live together on a campus for a short period of time to renew the family bond.

Parental alienation is an insidious form of child abuse. Because it is getting more attention, alienated parents now have more options to save their relationships with their children, and give their children the ability to have both parents in their lives.

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On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. 

I. Introduction:
Many parents in Family Court or Supreme Court matrimonial cases ask for “shared custody,” or equal time with their children. Until recently, the response was consistent: “Children need one place to call home” or “Children need stability.” However, more courts are now approving “shared custody” arrangements. This article will discuss: (1) what shared custody looks like, (2) when it is appropriate, and (3) how it affects child support.

II. What does a “shared custody” schedule look like?
When people come to my office asking for equal time, they often ask to alternate weeks:
One week with the mother, one week with the father. However, most people do not like this schedule in reality, because it means that each parent has to go every other week without seeing the children at all. In most “shared custody” arrangements, each parent has two weekdays apiece, plus alternating weekends. For example:

Week one: Monday (Father), Tuesday (Father), Wednesday (Mother), Thursday (Mother), Friday (Father), Saturday (Father), Sunday (Father.)

Week two: Monday (Father), Tuesday (Father), Wednesday (Mother), Thursday (Mother), Friday (Mother), Saturday (Mother), Sunday (Mother.) When the parents alternate Friday to Monday, and each parent gets two weekdays, the result is a shared custody schedule.

III. When is shared custody appropriate?
Parents with shared custody have to: (1) communicate, and (2) live reasonably close to each other. When children go from one parent’s home to the other’s during the week, the parents have to communicate frequently. For example, if one of the children has a school project, the child will begin the project at one home, and finish it at the other, thus  requiring the parents to talk to each other about it. Therefore, if one parent is afraid of the other, or if the parents cannot have a conversation without cursing at each other, then shared custody is impractical.

In contrast, if the parents can talk to each other civilly for purposes of co-parenting, then shared custody may be a feasible option. Simple logistics require that parents with shared custody live relatively close to each other. Each parent will be responsible for transporting the children to the same set of schools twice per week. If it is impossible for one parent to take the children to school twice per week, then shared custody is not possible.

IV. How does shared custody affect child support?
Many people assume that there is no child support if the parents share custody. This is incorrect. In Bast v. Rossoff, 91 N.Y.2d 723 (1998), the Court of Appeals found that the Child Support Standards Act applies to shared custody arrangements. In effect, this means that where the parents share custody, the spouse who earns more money pays child support. However, many people will shared custody can argue that they should pay less in child support than they would have to if they only had parenting time on alternating weekends.

The Family Court Act states that in determining an order of child support, the Court can consider “expenses incurred by the non-custodial parent in extended visitation provided that the custodial parent’s expenses are substantially reduced as a result thereof,” so long as the child is not on public assistance. N.Y. Family Court Act §413(1)(f)(9)(ii). In other words, if one parent spends so much time with the children that it reduces the expenses of the other parent, then child support can be reduced so long as the child is not on a public assistance budget. However, this decision is within the Court’s discretion, meaning that the Court generally has the ability to do whatever it determines is best for the children.

V. Conclusion
Shared custody has many benefits. It can allow the children to grow up equally bonded to both parents, and it allows each parent to avoid being “labeled,” to both the children and to society, as the “non-custodial parent.” At the same time, parents seeking shared custody have to ensure that such an arrangement is practical. More importantly, it cannot be used to avoid child support. Like every application made during custody proceedings, a request for shared custody should only be made if it is truly in the children’s best interests.

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On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. 

As a family divorce lawyer, people often ask me if I’ve learned lessons about how to make marriage work. They’re asking the wrong question. The decision to get divorced is personal and one that anybody can end up making. The more important question is: If you decide to split from your spouse, what will the divorce look like? Will it be financially and emotionally devastating? Or will you be able to move on, heartbroken, but otherwise intact, and capable of co-parenting your children with your ex? If you follow the lessons listed below, than you’re far more likely to fall into the second category.

1. Be a support, not a weight around your spouse’s ankles. The nastiest divorces involve custody battles. The last thing that you want is for your spouse to ask her attorney, “Why’s he interested in the kids all of a sudden?” Start being involved now.
2. You don’t have to defend every single point in every single argument. The only way to reduce fees in your divorce is to come to an agreement on as many issues as possible. If you fight over everything, then your divorce will be very expensive. If you pick your battles, than you will save both money and energy.
3. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s right. During hotly contested custody cases, clients often ask me, “Do I have the right to do X?” This often leads to the following response from me: “There’s no law on the books against it, but. . .” The client may listen, and save him or herself a lot of angst. Or the client may interrupt and say, “All I want to know is whether I have the right to. . .” That client isn’t doing him or herself any favors. Example: Don’t have your new significant other sleep in the same house as your children without talking to your ex first, just because it’s “legal.”
4. You can’t impose rules on children when you’re fighting with the other parent. Children can be raised with rules even when the parents don’t like each other. However, if the parents are constantly trying to undermine each other, then it’s impossible. No matter what, be on the same page when it comes to your expectations of your children. Make sure your kids know it.
5. Don’t screw around with the money. If you think you’re smart enough to hide money before your divorce, you can bet that your ex’s divorce attorney will be smarter. If you cry poverty, the Court won’t believe you, even when (not if) your crying becomes real. Example: It’s not a good idea to tell your boss to take you off the books just in time for your divorce.
6. If you’re self-employed, be Dudley-Do- Right. Every divorce attorney knows how to discredit a business owner’s self reported income. Make sure that everything paid out of your business account has a legitimate business purpose. Keep track of what you pay yourself, and report that “actual” personal income when you fill out court documents. Do the same on your tax returns, as they will be exchanged during your divorce.
7. If you think you might be getting divorced, do your taxes. If you’re in the middle of getting divorced, do your taxes. Your finances can’t be a mystery when you’re getting divorced. For self-employed people, see #6.
8. Don’t be underhanded with your children. You’re going to get caught. Even if you walk out of court thinking that you’ve proven me wrong, just wait. Karma is real. Don’t try to provoke your spouse to act crazy and then start recording. Don’t interrogate your children and record them making allegations. People who do these things never turn out well.
9. Both you and your spouse will always have influence when it comes to your children’s upbringing. The exceptions are extreme: if your spouse abandons the children, goes to prison for a long period of time, or is severely abusive or neglectful. Even the best lawyer can’t just “tell the judge” to send the kids to your family every year for Christmas. Neither you nor your ex will get to “call the shots.”
10. Put common sense before fairness. Yes, in a court of law, there should be fairness. However, when there is a choice between the two, than common sense takes priority. These issues arise when deciding who is responsible for picking up and dropping off children for exchanges between the parents. When making these arrangements, parents are well– advised to focus on what makes the most sense, and not insist upon sacrificing logic just to split the burden 50/50. Nobody can guarantee the future on their wedding day. However, if you’re getting divorced, then follow these simple rules. You’re much more likely to come out okay in the end.

Disclaimer: The suggestions in this article do not apply to cases where there is serious domestic violence, child abuse, serious neglect, or parental alienation.

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On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. 

If you’ve been in custody litigation for a while, you’re probably wondering how much the law comes into play. It may seem like the judge or the referee does whatever he or she wants to do, and that there’s no pesky law getting in the way. Yes, courts are governed by the law. However, the law is not black and white. It is gray.

Much of an attorney’s job is to convince a judge to interpret the law in a way that is favorable to his or her client. Judges and referees are attorneys as well. Therefore, if they believe that a certain result is good for your child or children, then they can probably find a way to interpret the law to get to that result. Does that mean that your attorney can’t do anything for you? No, it doesn’t. However, it means the following:

• Technical arguments, without a corresponding argument about the child’s best interests, are unlikely to work. For example, parties should not take actions that are purely out of spite and bank on an argument that there’s no law against it. The judge will hold spiteful behavior against the parties even if the behavior is perfectly “legal.”
• Even if the law is on your side, you will have to reassure the judge that the result you’re seeking is in the child’s best interests. This especially applies in cases where one party is a grandparent. While parents do have superior rights to non-parents, the parent seeking custody would be well-advised to demonstrate that their position is not only consistent with the law, but also in the child’s best interests.
• Don’t piss off the judge! Make sure to be as sympathetic as possible! Remember, your case isn’t a car accident case. The stakes are far higher, and the judges know that. Therefore, don’t expect the judge to treat your case as if it involved an insurance company litigating against a claimant.

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On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. 

New York child support guidelines for a self employed parent are calculated using all income sources including wages, rental income, interest income, self employment earnings and royalties.

Child support ​and divorce for the self-employed in general can be complicated since in many cases it’s difficult to determine the entrepreneur’s actual income. Many business owners​ ​don’t take a regular paycheck, or their pay varies on how well the business is doing.

The New York Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) considers many factors when determining child support obligation based on income, number of children and city where the paying parent lives.

At your first​ ​appointment with your lawyer, ask the following questions;

• How does self-employment affect child support?
• Can my 1099 be garnished for child support?
• Are child support payments based on gross or net income?
• Can a business account be levied for child support?

If you’re a sole proprietor, joint owner, partner or corporation, the The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin will explain the important steps you need to take​ to calculate child support for self employed. Read more Child Support  or Contact Us.​

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On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. 

Divorce is a major life event that can cause emotional stress no matter what the circumstances are, but a Contested Divorce is an especially draining experience, financially and emotionally. There are ways to avoid this difficult road, and a family divorce lawyer can help you navigate an uncontested divorce by helping you and your spouse come to an agreement on things like child support, spousal support, custody, visitation, property division and more.

Both parties will have to agree on all of these issues before an uncontested divorce can be achieved. Mediation can help, along with an experienced divorce attorney who can advise you on the best course of action, help you draft paperwork, and assist with quickly concluding the divorce process.

If you want to avoid the financial and emotional expense of a contested divorce, contact Joseph H. Nivin.

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On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. 

A child support enforcement lawyer can help you receive the child support payments you are entitled to. If you have an order in place to receive support and the other parent is failing to pay, the Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin can help.

Remedies include a money judgment, incarceration, or both.  As in this case, the court can order the payment of unpaid child support and help you recover the cost of attorney’s fees.  If we prove the other parent has the ability to pay and is willfully ignoring the order of support, the Court will have to order the other parent pay a portion of your legal fees.

If child support has not yet been ordered, an experienced Child Support lawyer can help you through the process of establishing support. Contact Joseph H. Nivin for help.

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On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. 

The Supreme Court of New York decided on a case filed to lower the amount of child support in arrears that could be garnished from the appellant’s paycheck. A previous case brought by the respondent raised the appellant’s child support to 65% of his disposable income until the child support in arrears was paid in full. This is the maximum amount of disposable income that can be deducted for child support.

This amount left the appellant unable to meet his own financial obligations by drastically reducing the amount of money left over after meeting his child support responsibility. The court found it was appropriate to lower the amount to only 40% of disposable income. Read more about the case here.

Are your child support payments too high? If you owe monthly child support or back support and you’re getting so much money taken from your paycheck that you can’t make ends meet, a New York child support attorney can ask the court to lower the amount of money being garnished.

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On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. 

In many cases, determining child support is simple. If the income of both parties is known, it is straightforward, as long as the parents’ incomes are not in dispute.

If the parents together earn less than $143,000.00 per year, the basic child support (the portion designed to pay for food, clothing, shelter, school supplies and other necessities) will be based upon a percentage of the non-custodial parent’s income (the parent with the least amount of custody or visitation).  That percentage depends upon the number of children.

If the parents’ combined income is $143,000.00 per year or more, the child support will be pro-rated based on the parents’ incomes up to $143,000.00 per year. Any support based upon income above that number will be based on the needs of the child.  The “add-ons,” or child support in addition to the basic child support, are health care expenses including co-pays and premiums, child care, and education (private school).

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On Behalf of The Law Offices of Joseph H. Nivin, P.C. 

Olliette Murry-Drobot was subjected to domestic abuse before she was even born. When Murry-Drobot’s mother was pregnant, she endured frequent beatings from her partner. The violence intensified to the point that Murry-Drobot’s mom didn’t feel her daughter move for days at a time.

Murry-Drobot survived, and witnessed her father terrorize her mother throughout her early childhood, she told Huffington Post. Now, she has committed her life to protecting and empowering victims of domestic violence and ensuring that the children who often suffer long-lasting consequences, also get the support they need.

1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience domestic violence at some point in their lives, according to Memphis CBS affiliate WREG. Nationally, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men experience intimate partner violence, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Children who are exposed to domestic violence also face a number of other risks. They’re susceptible to developing anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and drug and alcohol abuse issues, according to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network.

Domestic violence is a crime. If you or a family member is a victim of domestic violence or abuse defense lawyer Joseph H. Nivin can help you navigate the civil and criminal justice systems. Our law firm will help ensure your safety, prosecute the attacker and give you hope for a new life.

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